Well its been well over a month now and I have not seen my son, some fathers choose not to have anything to do with their children, not me, I would love to be able too see him.
But now it looks like we will end up in court with me battling to see him and you trying to prevent me from seeing him, what a sad state of affairs.
I have tried to reason with you but my plea鈥檚 seem to fall on deaf ears, I don鈥檛 know what I have done for you to hate me so much that you wont allow me to see Harry, you seem unwilling to enter into any dialogue at all over the matter.
My kids mean the world too me they are my life and I am sure you feel the same about your kids too,
I really did not want to go to my solicitors in order to see more of Harry but I felt that you were going to eventually shut me and his brothers out of his life as much as possible, if I tried to talk to you about it the discussion never moved forward at all and I felt I had no choice but to go to my solicitors.
If it was your intention to punish me by not letting me see him because I went to a solicitors, well I can assure you I am well and truly punished as it hurts so much knowing he is growing up fast and all the little things I am missing out on like his first laughs and watching him learn about the big new world around him, he鈥檚 changing fast at the age he is now and I am missing out on all this.
It was nice to be able to bond with him and I thank you for that but its torn me too pieces now that has all been snatched away, I can barley look at his photos that I have of him as it hurts so much.
In a lot of respects I regret going to my solicitors as at least you offered me something but a half hour or so in a caf茅 isn鈥檛 what I wanted.
I want to be able to contribute to his life, I don鈥檛 want him to grow up with seeing animosity, distrust and hate, and he is innocent.
When you told me you were not even willing to go to mediation or even comply with a court order really scared me, could you imagine the thought of never being ever to see one of your kids?鈥ts terrifying.
You already said that it upsets you watching Jack and Lewis going off with their dad while Ben is left behind, do you really want the same for Harry?.
He has a dad and another 3 brothers as well as grandparents to give him love and to add to his life.
At the end of the day he would be a lot happier with two parents involved and if we could do that without all the sniping and mudslinging a court case would throw up all the better.
Me and you are both alike in a hell of a lot of ways Cara and the main thing that makes a situation like this worse is that we are both bloody stubborn and dig our heels in, A court case is a recipe for disaster if we are against each other and I ask you to think long and hard about this, if not for yourself but for Harrys sake, he has his whole life ahead of him and a bad start is not whats needed.
If we can nip this now all the better for all involved, Harry is the one who matters in all this, not solicitors making money from misery.
Its not like we are a a couple of 19 year olds, we are 33 and 34, you would think that seeing as we have lived a little we would be able to resolve our issues without all this hassle.
Any how I hope this letter finds you both well and the boys too, I attended a meeting with the mediation service last Friday and it could be a way forward, we need too take a step forward somewhere.It would be good if we could sort this spiralling mess out ourselves.
Give Harry extra kisses and cuddles from the boys and me.
If nothing else, could you please please forward me a photo, I know I said it hurts me to look at the photos of him, but I never said I don鈥檛 look.
Yours hopefully. JOHN.
I want too see my son but my ex wont let me..do u think this letter will work im a single parent so is she.?
Wow you sound in a tough situation, my youngest daughter only occasionally sees her dad, he can come and see her or take her out as often as he wants,he just cant be bothered. So its nice to hear not all men are like that.
I think you are right to send a letter because it will give your ex time to clear things in her head befor she responds, and then the risk of shouting at each other is minimized.
I also like that you put that you can both be stubborn, this will show her you dont lay the blame entirely at her door.
All in all i thought it was a good letter and one that hopefully works out for you, i'd definatly post it. Good luck
I want too see my son but my ex wont let me..do u think this letter will work im a single parent so is she.?
yeh its great and so so sweet. Its your right to see your son she cant take that away from you if she still wont let you then you should take her to court good luck
John, that's lovely and truly from the heart. I hope it all works out for you. At least if you haven't done anything wrong you can pursue this through the courts and get it down in black and white that you can see Harry and Harry will know in years to come that you cared so much and fought hard for him!
best of luck! :-)
You know John some people don't deserve to have anything nice in their life and Cara is one of them. How she can profess to love a child she is using as a weapon God only knows. The letter may or may not work but as my dad used to always say to me %26quot;The wheel always goes in a full circle.%26quot; I hope you understand that some day when your son walks out of the life of the mother who deprived him of his father's love. I wish you all the luck in the world.
If you're paying child support, bring her to court. I know it's annoying and what not, but even if you're the reason you two aren't together (don't know the story of why you're not together), she shouldn't be using your son as a weapon against you to hurt you. It's a well written letter and sounds good, but I doubt it will effect her if she even reads it (she probably throw it out before even opening it). Good luck with the situation. Hope you see your son soon.
* How the hell were you able to write that much, isn't there a 1000 character maximum on questions?
I'm not a dad, but if I was and in a similar situation I would also be very upset. I'll try and look at your letter in more detail. In the mean time, have you tried contacting the Dads for Justice (if that are what they are called) It's important you don't convey too much anger - eg. 'deaf ears' - some people might consider this as a personal attack and dig their heels in. I wish you luck. Too many kids lack a Father's input and despite the good intentions of many single mums, in the main it is a disaster. Good luck.
Wish her well and apologise for your faults (even if you didn't make any)
to be honest i wouldn't write a letter, I'd got to court and fight for your right to see your children, If she breaks a court order she's in trouble herself. your untitled to see your children, and shes probably hurting them as much as you. every father should have visiting rights to there children, go to citizens advice (its free advice) and they should help you on your way to court proceedings. good luck.
This makes my blood boil...women using children as pawns in their game of hurting their exes - it is completley out of order.
I understand what what fathers for justice are campaiging for.
I suggest you send the letter recorded delivery.
well i have 2 things to say to you first of all you souldnt put your bussiness out on the street like that. and numba 2 that women right there is making you miss out on your sons life and she is closing your relationship with your son. i mean your son right now can be asking to see you. i think she has no right to not allow you to see your son.
Personally I wouldn't mention court or solicitors and cut it a lot shorter. Something like
Dear Cara, I've been so thoughtless and insensitive to you. How can I ever make things right? (after all, you want her to keep reading)
Is there any way I can ever prove myself and become a useful part of our son's life? I feel that I've missed so much of his life so far, even though it was my own stupid fault. Does he miss me the way I miss him?
Please tell me what I can do, if I can share in just a small part of his life. even if it means seeing him under supervision, I'll do it.
something like that. no court - no solicitor - no blame on her
THEN if that doesn't work - take her to court, but even if you get access, a lot of women default or accuse the man of molesting the child in the bath or something so it's often not the end but only the beginning of trouble
The irony is there are hundreds if not thousands of women out there who would do almost anything if only their ex would see the child and be a supportive and regular part of their lives, but they simply can't be bothered.
I think this is a meaningful letter. It is touching and heart felt and to the point. I would not end the letter by saying if nothing else send me a photo, as that leaves the reader with the last impression being, %26quot;well, I'll just send him a photo to shut him up.%26quot; Your letter leads me to believe that your ultimate desire is time with your child, not just a photo. Put that request earlier in the letter by saying something like, %26quot;could you please send me a photo or OUR child%26quot;, this will remind her he is both of y'all's child, not just her child. Then end the letter with request for sharing %26quot;our%26quot; child.
Also, I would not be using the username private dick or saying you enjoy %26quot;horizontal action%26quot; on the net, or have people saying they want to talk to you when you are %26quot;semi sober%26quot;. That does not paint a very appropriate picture of you or make you look like a great candidate in the %26quot;dad department%26quot;. I would suggest you have a more wholesome web image.
great letter, glad you are approaching this from the calm end of things rather getting than involved in a slanging match or a spiral of finger-pointing and recriminations. Keep on this track- obviously going to the solicitor didnt go down well, so persevere with the friendly co-operative approach for now, and take any small access you can, its a doorway to more. Hand-deliver the letter (so she knows you are serious but still friendly) but let her know first. you need a relationship of sorts with Cara to have one with Harry. Good Luck
yes it is a good letter and well written. You have not resulted in insults which is good.
You may want to look up a website that a friend of mine runs called %26quot;Families need fathers%26quot; look it up as they can give you some great advise. You may also want to consider going for parental responsibility.
I wish you luck
send her the letter for proof that u tried to discuss being able to have parenting time with ur child and make a copy of the letter for ur records. keep ALL ur receipts for everything u bought for ur son. then go to ur friend of the court (or court that handles parenting issues/custody cases) and u need to file a motion because the custodial parent will not allow u to see ur child. she CANNOT refuse u from spending time with ur child once the court orders her to do so. otherwise, by just sending her this letter u may still not be able to see ur child and then she may let u and change her mind when she gets mad at u for something else......so just go to court and fill out the necessary paperwork ir ur serious about seeing ur child.
